Thursday, September 02, 2010

End of the Summer

(photo credits to my very talented sister who won't answer me when I ask her why she doesn't do professional photography. Hi sis!). By the way: if anyone was wondering if the Peanut ever figured out how to suck her thumb, she HAS! But it is pretty funny that when she sticks it in her mouth it obviously is too little for her tastes so she just crams her whole hand in there.
Ah the melancholy last days of summer ... and maternity leave. I am the first to remind people that we technically have summer until Sept 21 but no one really thinks of September as summer. I went for a swim today at Walden Pond AND it was over 90 degrees, but nope, doesn't count as summer. But it was all the more special to have that swim because it will likely be my last this year. And that my friend Ann was there to hold the Peanut so I could go for a quick swim (and we had such a long visit which was wonderful). It felt SO good to be in the cool, clear water. When I take those first few strokes underwater my arms always feel so free -- they do a lot of holding these days so it is such freedom to move them through the water.
And with September comes the return to work next Tuesday, day after Labor Day, along with the last of the school kids and even the college students who have this one last weekend of freedom. We all head back together, which translates to one nasty commute coming up for me that morning.

Along with the fact I'll likely be sobbing most of the drive in. In the column of "you can't possibly know what's it like until you've gone through it" goes "Surviving Leaving Your Child with Strangers and Returning to Work." I've already had some pretty fun breakdown moments about it, which I did not anticipate so early. But I now read in my book, "Nursing Mother, Working Mother," these next two weeks are not unlike the first two weeks after the baby gets born. Nothing gets done, and both you and baby are just a big wet mess. Actually, I am sure the Peanut will be fine. I'm equally certain that I will not, so I am clearing the schedule for nothing but going to work, picking up baby at end of day, sitting on couch nursing baby, and then going to bed for the next few weeks. Pure survival mode. Then, I am hoping to come out the other side (say in October or hopefully, please God, before November), feeling like life is manageable again. Or at least able to actually socialize occasionally and prepare a meal that includes vegetables other than tomato sauce. But I am trying to learn to cut myself some slack. So, slacking it will be. I apologize in advance if I am not returning calls or emails or even making sense if I am managing a call or email.

But living in the moment, the Peanut is sleeping on my chest as I type this. I normally would try and put her down in her crib but I want her next to me for these last precious moments of maternity leave. Enjoy your last lingering days of summer, my friends.


Carina said...

Your post makes my heart ache remembering those days. We still go through this each year at the end of summer as I go back to campus and the little guy heads back to daycare full time after spending the summer goofing off with me. You'll get through it, but it's not easy. She is beautiful! Love the pics!

Anonymous said...

Amy, she is just so beautiful. You look like motherhood is really agreeing with you. I have not had to make that sad journey to work without my children even though I continued to work after my first was born. I worked midnights while he was sleeping and watched him during the day. I was exhausted but it was all worth it. I will be thinking of you on Tuesday.
Becky Kopelic