I'm a little better today, but yesterday I was shredded. Down for the count. You know that expression, "so tired you can't see straight"? That was me, literally. When I tried to focus, my eyes just didn't know what to do.
I've never experienced this before. Do most people know this feeling, and I'm just being introduced? I mean, I've done international travel where you don't get much sleep and you are jetlagged, but you do kinda sleep on the plane usually. I woke up at 7:00 AM on Tuesday and didn't go back to sleep until 10:00 PM on Wednesday night. So that's 39 hours awake. Wow.
Unsurprisingly, I'm really stupid on so little sleep. Decisions are really difficult. I remember taking a long time figuring out if I wanted to turn on a light switch or open the windowshades. What to do, what to do? I stood there for several minutes, trying to decide. Operating heavy machinery (like a car) or doing any sort of detailed task (like the lab work I have to do after the birth) becomes really complicated. Interacting with other people becomes a bit precarious. I take a long time to formulate a sentence and often it comes out wrong. I tell odd, pointless stories that seemed relevant when I started. People make a remark to me, and I simply have no idea what to say in return so I stay silent and hope they will help. I forget what I was thinking about that seemed strongly compelling thirty seconds previously. Well, OK, maybe I'm not all that different when I lack sleep. Ha ha. Very funny.
You know, it was worth it. I definitely learned lots and experienced some intense stuff. First time I've heard a mom literally scream in pain. First time I've gotten to see the doctor say to mom, "Reach down and bring up your baby!" just as he emerged from the womb and there he is, in Mom's hands. Such amazing families and so much love between these moms and dads. Whew.
I'm still tired. I am still missing six hours of sleep -- where do they go? How do I get them back? But I'm glad I could be the doula. Just maybe a few weeks off to catch up on my sleep (and my life) would be nice.
Guess what: tomorrow I'm first on the call list. Whimper.